The Impostor Scholar

narrative: expert novice

Introduction

I’ve spent more time trying to find a clever hook to draw in a reader than I have writing the rest of the essay. Out of sheer impatience, here is the backstory. My brain chemistry altered after one virtual Teams meeting in July 2024. I was enthusiastically informed about my mid-year raise: 13 cents increase per hour. I was 10 years post-grad with no progressive work history or professional footprint.

I had a bachelor’s degree in accounting, but decided almost immediately that I did not enjoy the field. My subsequent trajectory in the workforce included unofficial bookkeeping for small businesses and varying lines of administrative work. I stared at the two dimensional picture of my manager and decided that, if I stayed on this path, I would be a perpetual entry-level employee.

I attributed my lack of success to lack of credentials, so I enrolled in a master of accounting program (previous lack of interest in the subject effectively ignored). The aversion to the field was outweighed by the fact that I had already wasted 10+ years of my life, better to expand on my efforts than switch industries.

The excitement of this new endeavor set off a chain reaction. Within a few weeks of starting my graduate program, I committed to sitting for the CPA exams. Two months later, I landed my first corporate accounting position. This solidified my hypothesis that all of my career woes would be extinguished by a list of prestigious credentials.

Background

My performance in school prior to this had been, put clinically: inconclusive. I engaged in sprints of rigorous study that ultimately drowned in lack of motivation. This left me with a less than desirable undergraduate GPA and the consensus that, even if I had wanted to go to graduate school, no program could possibly accept me.

Past me didn't believe in her potential. Current (but I suppose still past) me, applied and got into a local graduate program. Mostly because it baffled me that I would offer to pay a university thousands of dollars and not be granted the opportunity to do so. This mindset worked, and I invite you to remember this moment as this exact theme will tie into the conclusion of my long-term study.

I held this round of academia to an incredibly high standard. I was now in my 30s and effectively all-in on this plan. I graduated less than two years later with a 3.91 GPA and simultaneously earned my CPA license, all while working my full-time accounting job.

Well, case closed. My plan worked. I am a master accountant now.

Challenges

Just kidding. No, it didn’t.

It appears that I am still floating in the same metaphorical lake from 2024, just in a shinier, better decorated boat. During my graduate program, I completed the assigned tasks, read the required chapters, participated in the discussion threads and took the scheduled exams. My CPA exam self-study mirrored this, with an added layer of agony; the stakes were higher. The structures were built, the parameters were set, and the expectations were clear: check these boxes and you will be rewarded.

The challenge is, I was hired for my current position without these credentials, and now that I have both, nothing about my work has changed. I earned the gold star combination of accounting credentials and I still feel inadequate in the workplace.

It turns out that the skills required to earn my credentials and the accounting theory I mastered in the process does not help advance my current position. Mastering the entry-level work only equips me with the skills needed to bang out more entry-level work. It increases the volume of my contribution to the department, not the scope. The more efficient I get at reconciliations, complex journal entries, and essentially data entry, more of the same piles up on my desk, with the expectation of increased speed, not knowledge. I am still a novice, just as I have been at every position I have worked for the last 12 years, but now I can accurately call myself expert novice.

I still feel panic every time I am asked to complete a project I have never done before. I feel lost during the same monthly close cycle we repeat every month (I have participated in 19 and am about to start my 20th). On paper, I’m an expert. In practice, I collect grunt work. Being good at my job doesn’t help me get a better one, it just helps me keep the one I have. Dare I say my brain chemistry has again been altered by this realization?

Concluding Remarks

I’m reluctant to call this a conclusion; this study is still in the hypothetical phase. To close out this specific piece of writing, my preliminary research and general reflection of the events as they have occurred to me are as follows:

Outside of the predictable nature of education and exams, most of life's accomplishments are not achieved by completing a linear checklist. I was accepted to a graduate program because I applied to one, regardless of my own assessment of my undergraduate performance. I got a job in corporate accounting because I wanted one, despite how my work experience appeared on paper. And I plan to advance my career by applying my own framework for how to accomplish it, in opposition to what most advanced positions "require" in a job description.

I personally am applying the skills I used to earn my credentials to tackle the less predictable, less methodical professional workforce. I will explore three paths:

  1. The application of accounting theory in industry (non-public) accounting.
  2. The distinction between hard skills and soft skills, with soft skills being the primary muscle to exercise in the workplace.
  3. The weight of mentorship in the accounting profession specifically, and how I can fabricate this without the official designation of a mentor.

This professional diary is a work in progress. I intend to implement a personal curriculum to solve the professional stagnation I have felt over the years.